Saturday, July 26, 2014

Tail of a Pooper Scooper

In the course of the average day I deal with alot of crap.  Literally.

Who pooped, when, how'd it look, did you flush - or, in the case of our two dogs, where and did you pick it up?  (The usual answer to that one is "No.")

I'm always amazed by those companies that will come to your home and clean up your dog's poop out of the yard.  I wish I had thought of that.  Really?  You're so busy that you can't clean up after your own dog in your own yard?  

Well, I am the pooper scooper at my house and, I'm good.  I can conduct extensive grid searches and clear the yard in no time.  I'm a daily scooper because one time we had some work done on our plumbing lines outside (see a trend here?) and the poor guy knelt down right in a pile.  He had to go home and change.  I felt horrible, although I would I have thought he'd have a change of clothes in his truck, because, well....he was plumber and there's a definite potental for plumbing "accidents."

The other day I said to my middle son, "You need to pick those Legos up off the family room floor!"
"Okay!" he replied, "I'll do it when I'm finished building.
"No, you need to do it now so the puppy doesn't eat them."
"Munson won't eat the Legos!  They don't taste good," he retorted.
"Yes, he will eat them. Puppies eat anything and he will poop out Legos."

Hysterical laughter.  Puppies pooping Legos!  Oh, mom, how silly.  They were mocking me.

"Yes, he will and he already did!" I exclaimed, "There was a yellow brick in his poop yesterday and the day before he pooped a minifigure leg!"

All play ceased in the family room and three sets of eyes stared at me in horror.

"How do you know that?" eldest son exclaimed.

"I found them in his POOP!" I said.

"Mom, you are disgusting!  You look through the dog's poop?!" he yelled.

"Well of course, I look through the dogs' poop when I'm picking it up.  That's what a mother does!  It's part of the rules.  We have to look at poop.  I've been looking at your poop since the day were you born."

"That's just wrong," replied middle son.

"Do you know that they wouldn't let me out of the hospital with you until you pooped during the first 24 hours of your life?  And do you know that I waited 23 hours and 58 mintues before you pooped?!"

"Did you put that story in his baby book? Because that's really embarrassing," eldest son said.

"No!  A mother just remembers these things.  So, when I tell you pick up the Legos, please pick up the Legos so I don't find any more in Munson's poop."

"Okay, I'm sorry.......Um, mom?" said middle son.

"Yes," I replied.

"Did you put those Legos that Munson pooped back in the Lego bin because I really don't want those pieces anymore." he said quietly.

"I'll never tell," I replied, feeling triumphant.

"Oh crap!" I heard, as I left the room.

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