You did What?

While watching a Lifetime movie the other night, I could clearly hear every word of the announcer on the evening's baseball game blaring from the kitchen television.  I went to investigate and found dear Jimmy, my father-in-law, engrossed in a Nationals game.

"The TV volume is on 98, Dad."

"What?  Oh, is it?  I didn't even notice."

"Do you think it might be time to have your hearing checked?" I offered.

"What?!" he shouted.

I took that as an affirmative answer and a few days later, made the call to Costco's hearing aid clinic.  I knew Jimmy would be upset but I figured that this Driving Miss Daisy thing we have going needed a bit of an intervention and I was up to the task.  But, of course, I didn't actually tell him I made the appointment.....until the morning it was scheduled.

"What?" he shouted, "What are you doing to me?  I'm perfectly capable of making my own medical appointments.  I've been to Costco already and checked that out," he snapped.

"Really? Like you checked out Tai Chi and came home with Chinese food instead?"

"You're never gonna let me live that down, are you?"

"So, what did they say the time you went to the hearing aid clinic?"

"Well, you have to have an appointment and I didn't have one, so I left."

"I see.  Well, I've skipped that step for you.  Get in the car."

Jimmy reluctantly got in the car but he was a pleasant patient at the appointment.  He never reveals to anyone that he is retired surgeon, I think so he can judge their medical knowledge and decide it they are a quack or not.

The clinician told him that he has hearing loss at the higher decibels.

"You mean when I speak to you?" I asked, "I thought you were ignoring me."

Jimmy replied with a smile, "You'll never know."

I then left to shop while Jimmy picked out his new hearing aids.

About 30 minutes later, Jimmy comes around a corner in the crowded store and the clinician comes up to me and says, "Sort of whisper something to him that's not a 'yes or no' question." Oh, I got to make this good, I thought.

"Hey Dad, do you want to buy this piano, a new set of tires or would you rather get a volume pack of Kotex?"

"What?!  Oh, stop that!.....I heard you! They work!"

Well, Jimmy's testing them out now at home, a few hours here and there, just to get used to them.  So, sometimes the television is on 98 and some times it's down to 30.  And sometimes I ask him questions by just moving my mouth and not actually saying the words.  But, he hears me muttering about him.  I'm not sure how I feel about this new change.

"What?!" he shouts, "I heard that!  You just shut up."

There's a 90 day return policy...believe me, I'm keeping track...